Have you ever had a moment where you just feel so... isolated that everything about your future seems to be in a haze? It seems difficult to make it to the next hour or day, let alone week or month, or year? My life seems to be doing that a lot lately. Especially at night, when I actually start thinking about things. It scares me. It makes me want to stay in my bed and hide from things. It makes me want to scream, or cry, or at least whimper a little.
When I get like that, it's actually a bit hard to breath. And yes, I do have lovely, devoted friends who are fully capable of helping me through these moments. But I don't like to bother them. I don't like to make them uncomfortable. I don't like opening up.
In the end, I'm just selfish. I want to contain everything. I want to take my own life by the reigns. But... I can't. I know that. And yes, I'm not the only one taking the reigns in this whole... Circle of Life, grand scheme of things. There's that guy I've always got on my side (admittedly, we're not as close as we could be, but we're working on that. He's the type of guy who loves me unconditionally, and is patient enough to wait for me to come back to Him). So, I'm working on rebuilding that relationship. Because I know He'll never be bothered by my late-night paranoia, and always has the right, if slightly confusing, words. :)
Goodnight, world. I'm off to have a brief chat with my Maker, and hopefully have a very nice sleep.