Have you ever noticed how very difficult it is to express exactly how it is you feel?
For example, today I felt... well, to use a word I recently told a friend to punch in the nose... inadequate. I did not feel up to par in the least. I felt fat, and unattractive, and alone.
But tell me, why do I have to feel these things? Just because I'm a little bigger than most girls my age, or require beauty aids to feel like I can even be in some of my friends' presence? Well, yes, I do hate myself, just a little. But you know what people don't understand?
I love myself more than I hate myself.
I've been moderately unhappy for close to a year, and now I'm happier than I've been in a loooooong time. So I need to keep telling myself that I'm good enough. But it's hard, when I'm surrounded by people that meet society's standards of gorgeous, and all I've got going for me is good hair.
So, in order to better myself, I've come up with a workout regime. And by workout regime, I mean I bought a $5.00 DVD at Wal-Mart, and do that for 20 minutes a day, three times a week, and eat less. Not that I ate a tonne before, but now I'm eating better. And I'm not drinking pop. So... maybe that'll help?
Bah.
I'm off to wallow in self-pity somewhere else.
Goodnight, Blog.
Inadequacy is ... overwhelming at times. When you feel like there's nothing else around you, don't forget that YOU are what's gotten you this far - in the end, you're all you've got. Pick friends that help make you as self-sufficient as you can be - and don't let them get away!
ReplyDeleteAlso. One day, when we're both feeling more adequate, we will go out, IN PUBLIC, in sweats and tshirts, with NO makeup, and bedhead. Because we can. We're beautiful. We don't always feel it, but somewhere out there, there's a guy who will choose YOU, Ariele, over EVERY OTHER GIRL. You will be his prize, you will be his treasure. And he'll love every single thing about you, even the ones that you don't like.
We're done for if we don't stick together :)